The Next Man In

So now that I'm divorced, the new question is "When are you going to start dating?"  Kind of like when you first get married and then everyone starts asking when you're going to have a baby.  One monumental life event automatically opens the door for the next.  God forbid we deviate.

Honestly, "dating" has truly been the farthest thing from my mind.  Six months post divorce and I am finally settling in to my new rhythm...or so I thought.

Lately, my mind has been fast forwarding, tending to think ahead...to my future.  Like WAY ahead.  I fast forward to my ULTIMATE utopia.  When I am living at the beach.  I have ALWAYS LOVED the beach.  The ocean - it gives me LIFE. Nothing is better in my book than to be in the presence of the majestic ocean; to wake up and go to sleep with the sound of waves crashing on the shore.  There's something about that environment that just feeds my soul.  I feel more vibrant, more healthy, more hungry for sustaining sustenance, both literally and figuratively.

In my future life, my Act Three, I will live at the beach.  My children are grown and happily ensconced in their productive, fulfilling lives.  I will have several adorable grandchildren who obviously worship their free spirited grandmother and their visits are perfect, tranquil and always in beautiful weather.  And I have a soul mate...who resides with me...at my oh-so-chill beach cottage/bungalow.  Not sure what beach but it is a modest cottage, oceanfront, of course.  We live a life worthy of Prevention - or Southern Living - either one.  We are in great shape and no doubt still make passionate love frequently.  We prepare, together, delicious health conscious meals which are consumed more often than not with our equally well-adjusted and magazine cover ready friends.  Long walks on the beach are a given as is hunkering down beside our roaring fire when we are weathering a temperamental fall storm.

I'm thinking about my ultimate beach life and think that maybe IT may be more accessible than the finding of the soul mate.  Not sure how and when I will meet this fella but the next guy in actually will have it pretty easy, I think.  So for the future guy, here's some insight...some advice along with the positives about me:

Relax...all the heavy lifting has been done.  I've had the marriage...a long one.  Been there, done that.  I honestly can't foresee myself wanting or needing to get married again.  I mean, why should I??  At this point, I can't see myself even living with someone full time but that hasn't stopped Mr. Beach cohabitor from dominating my fantasy.  Well, truthfully, at that point in the game I will probably not mind having someone around all the time because the stressors will have been removed.

The next guy doesn't have to family plan with me. We don't have to worry about unplanned pregnancies.   No birth control, no babies to birth and parent. Our kids are grown (providing he has some of his own), educated and out.  And the repro equipment (mine) has long since shut down.  No, it will simply be just beautiful, unencumbered, worry free sex.

I don't think there will have to be too much planning of anything.  At the beach point in our life, we won't have to worry about careers or major outlays of cash like purchasing houses or paying for college. I am financially stable, not rolling in the dough but supporting myself.  I can't imagine that I will not be able to take care of myself financially and with whatever he brings to the table we should be doing pretty well in that area.

Careers, by beach time, will have been established, finessed or completed.  If either of us continues to work, it will be because we want to, not because we have to, and the road to work will be an easy commute.

Insofar as affairs of the heart...My heart has been broken...numerous times...so no fragility there.  Life, and love, will be there for the taking.  I think we will both know that we are there because we want to be and that by the time we get to 'our age' neither of us really wants to put up with any bullshit.  This mindset will bode well with keeping us both grounded.  It won't be about breaking your ass to make someone happy.  By that time, God willing, we will know what makes us happy...hopefully what 'makes' us happy is being happy and satisfied with ourselves.  Without conjuring up too many visions of service dogs, let me say that the goal will be companionship.  Sharing a life...simply being.  No drama...no expectations...no entanglements.  Just the everyday in that wonderful abode by the sea.

Of course, with the future and the onset of truly being aged, I think that if we are in a relationship by that point we both will be committed in each other's best, whatever that may end up being.  Meaning, I can't imagine going into a relationship in the December of our lives and NOT knowing all that entails.  By that time, we will be doing so because of love and commitment and acceptance and kindness to one another.

So, yes, it could actually be the sweet life for me and the next man in.