60

Today is my half birthday and it is a significant one.  My last birthday in my 50s.  And next year...

60.

So technically I'm currently in my sixtieth year  This is my 60th summer.  And so on.

I had long toyed with the idea of  committing to blogging in my march to 60.  For the past four post divorce years I've blogged here on and off.  A lot of rantings, a lot of musings.  Actually over 90 postings, most of which are private...for my eyes only.  All done anonymously.

Til now.

What I had intended going forward to be a 'here-I-am-60-nothing-to-be-afraid-of" badass middle aged divorced woman banner is now more of a one-day-at-a-time-life-can-bite-you-in-the-butt saga.

Why?  What is different?

I didn't anticipate selling my house and living crammed up in my mother's guest room.

But here I am.

I didn't fathom my beloved son spending a month in a residential recovery program.

But he has.

  I couldn't imagine a person so dear to me, a friend of nearly 40 years fighting the beast.  Cancer.  Pancreatic cancer.

I am gutted.

I didn't dream - but had much hoped - that I would be fortunate enough to have someone in my life again.  A significant other.  A man.  A very manly man.

But I think I do.  But in thinking so am taking little tiny baby steps to getting close.  We both seem to be.

Honestly, lately, I do not feel up for the challenge.

But then again.

I am.