Survival Mode

Daughter, LB, is an actress trying to make it in L.A.

I think she is talented.  I support her.

Why wouldn't I?

I lived 27 years with her father who is a frustrated performer.  I know first hand how that misery of not living your authentic life, not being your true self, fucks with EVERYTHING.  Especially interpersonal relationships and self-esteem.

So I say 'go for it!'

I was a performer back in the day.  In local theater; dinner theater to be exact.  Had some of my BEST days there.  But I recognized early on that I had neither the drive nor the confidence (and let's face it, probably not the talent either) to pursue a professional career.  And though I am a passionate patron of the arts I have little desire to climb back on the boards myself.  But I recognize and can appreciate someone who does. I firmly believe in pursuing the dream.

But pursuing that dream certainly comes with cost.  Borderline poverty is a given.  You also open yourself up to the unsolicited condemnation of others.  Sometimes even those close to you.

LB recently had an experience at her 'survival job'.  She works at an ice cream shop; a VERY upscale ice cream shop.

LB is a cheerful girl, very adept at the whole customer service thing. Very personable.  And very attractive, if I must say so myself.

So this one day she's waiting on customers when one guy she is serving decides he's going to make her day.

"Working serving ice cream cones; so that's your BIG goal in life?  When I grow up, I'm gonna work in an ice cream store??"

She was taken aback.  She didn't respond...fortunately.  Could have cost her her job if she did...in the manner in which she wanted to respond.

I asked her what this gem was like.  Big and fat though expensively dressed.

Hmmm...I betcha he decided he was going to exact out his insecurities and bitterness on this smiling, albeit-restrained-due-to-work-obligations servant this day.  He was probably getting back at every female who rebuffed him via my daughter.

Why do some feel the need to make themselves look good at the expense of others??

Also, closer to home, why do people who know you well, who have grown up in your neighborhood, been to your home for social gatherings, claim to be friends, comment, condescend and question your choices and goals in life.  My example that comes to mind is 'Big Red' and her daughter 'Nearly as Big Red'.  Big Red is large and in charge in our neighborhood.  Neighbors for 20 years now we know each other well.  Big Red will never miss an opportunity to sing the praises of her very well educated, well employed son and daughter.  Her exact words when she is congratulated on her daughter's post grad school job 'Thank you.  Yes she did get a job.  She is employed.  "Very well employed."  And then her eyes dart around the table to see who got that.  Good enough...happy for them.

Daughter, Nearly Big Red, is surly.  She is very haughty and really kind of in-your-face with her breed of confidence.  She recently dumped her boyfriend of nearly six years because he wasn't motivated enough in life.  He was still in college studying to be a teacher.  I met him a couple of times.  Nice guy.  Too nice for her apparently.

Now Big Red is about five years older than me and was unceremoniously dumped from her sales job about four years ago.  It's the luck of the draw.  She has diligently tried to find employment to no avail.  Not one to sit around and feel sorry for herself, she admirably fills her days with friends and volunteer work.  She also has taken a stab at selling skin care products.

Remember that little fact, will you?

LB, in attempts to supplement her already meager income, is now selling Arbonne skin care products. When she told me this, I cringed.  She is all gung ho because she really believes in the product and thinks she's going to have moderate success in it.  I recognize it for what it is...a pyramid scheme.  I tried to explain to her that you don't necessarily make money from your sales but from bringing in other people under you.  And I cringed because I know darn well that pretty soon everyone she knows is going to want to run the other way when they see her coming.

So sure enough she asked for all my neighborhood friends' names and contact info.  She was going to cold call them and give them the old sales pitch.

So one of the people she calls is Nearly-Big-Red who she has known for years and knows of LB's pursuit of an acting career out in L.A.

LB had told me she was going to call Nearly-Big-Red and I dreaded that one.

LB said she was so rude and hung up on her!

Crazy!  Maybe she needs to be reminded of the fact of when her mother was unemployed I purchased several hundred dollars worth of skin care products from her.

I haven't seen Nearly-Big-Red since that happened but you can best believe that old momma is gonna let her know I know.

Anyway, I cannot even fathom doing or saying something rude to someone because of their goal in life.  Does this make them feel better about their own miserable existence?  Are they jealous that they are not throwing caution to the wind and pursing what their heart desires rather than pulling in the big bucks in a job they simply abhor?  Jealousy and envy, pure and simple I think.  That's what I tell LB at least.  Why would anyone do such a thing?  Does it really give that much satisfaction to tear someone down.

Makes one wonder, doesn't it?