Goodbye Dear Friends

Today I said goodbye to friends I have had for fifty years.  And I sit here weeping like a damn fool...

Over my dolls.

You see for fifty years I have cherished, loved, treasured my Barbie dolls.  Barbie, Ken, Francie, Alan, Skipper, Fluff, Tutti, Chris, Stacey, PJ, Jamie, Steffi, Ricky...all have stayed with me all these years...through moves, through beginnings and endings, they have been a constant.

I had long elevated these dolls to much more than mere possessions; much more than mere toys.  They were family.  When I was young I created a family with them and played out, over and over and over again, scenarios...very real scenarios, the likes that Peyton Place - back in the day - would have eagerly adopted.  I created with these dolls a family that I never had.  Trust me, not one of my Barbie families ever had just one kid.  They had a ton of siblings...and a mom AND a dad.  Being an only child, these playthings were invaluable to me, and have stayed that way ALL these years.

Granted most of the time they were tucked away in my closet, high up on a shelf in their cases.  I NEVER let my daughter play with them - heaven forbid!  She had her own Barbies - and her own LOVE of her Barbies but she was the typical owner.  Most of the time her dolls were buck naked.

Not mine.

They were ALWAYS clothed.  And what clothes they did have!  You have to admit, Mattel in its heyday put out some phenomenal products.  The Barbie clothes back then were exquisite.  Tiny, tiny with detail and real zippers and real buttons and even the famous Barbie tag in each.  What haute couture!

Yes the vintage Barbie experience was a one of a kind venture.

So how did I come to part with these treasures?

Economics.

I am really struggling and quite simply I needed an infusion of cash.  I had long thought about selling them but talked myself out of it everytime.

Til last week...

It took me hours to photograph, inventory, describe and post my collection.  Thirty-one dolls in all.  Thirty-one.  Each unique and special and loved.  And the clothes...wonderful clothing for all the dolls.  And shoes and accessories.  I kept everything so meticulously.

I hated putting a price on them but they served me well...their last servitude to me, I guess.

So I put them up on eBay...and on the last day of the posting...someone bought them.

Packing them up to mail them off to their new owner was...excruciating.  I felt as they I were sending away my children...getting rid of my beloved pets...abandoning them.

I lovingly gave each one a kiss (yes, I did) and gently wrapped each little body in tissue paper.  They lined the cardboard box like tiny little corpses.

And it did feel like a death to me.

I only told one person of my sale...my friend Jen who well knows what it's like to be a divorced parent trying to make ends meet.  I couldn't tell my kids.  Strangely, I think my son would be most sad for me.  He is very sentimental and feels deeply.  My daughter will just be pissed.  I couldn't tell my mother.  To her selling personal items is not fathomable and I know she would make me feel guilty.

I don't need that.

No, I'm not telling anyone.  I do feel guilty about parting with them.  They were so loyal to me.

When I finished the packing and was about to tape the boxes up, I stopped and composed a short letter to the new owners.  I told them how I loved the dolls and that I hoped they would too.

Trip to the post office...

And then they were gone...

There's a passage in the Bible...something about "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

Well...it sucks.