Where'd You Learn to Love Like That?

That's what I would ask my boss.

Now don't go getting all ahead of yourself.  My boss, whom I have worked for for six years now, is the world's biggest boy scout.  I can honestly, totally say without reservation that he is the most honorable, most truthful man I know.

And he adores his wife of 42 years.

It's astounding.  I mean, he's not gushy or always talking about her but it's just the little things.  The things in their life that they have so down pat.  Like last night, when I was about to lay my tired ass head on the pillow to go to sleep, my cellphone lights up.  Sure now I'm thinking that it's my crush in the big city.  Nope.  It's my boss.  Texting a photo of his wife...doing balloon art...to his grandkids and other kid guests  after Thanksgiving dinner.  THE dinner she shopped for, cooked and served to, oh I don't know, about 10 people!

Let's call her 'Carol'.  Carol has got to be the most genuine, caring, effusive, most personable woman I've ever met.  And my boss...we'll call him 'Bob'.  As I said he is very upright.  Some may even call him stiff.  It's taken six years for he and I to get to the point where we can joke, but it's ALWAYS within the realm of 'safe' and 'G rated'.  My ex, when meeting Bob for the first time at a gathering at his house, said Bob was 'Rainman'.  Hmmm...maybe sometimes.

So to say Bob and Carol complement each other's personalities is an understatement.  She is hostess extraordinaire.  She does crafts and NOTHING is underdone insofar as entertaining and decorating are concerned.  Their house looks like an ad for The Pottery Barn.  Everything beautiful and coordinated and neat and tidy.  Yeah Bob would NEVER go for the untidy, chaotic, fly by the seat of your pants lifestyle.  They really are like a throw back to the fifties.  They are VERY social and entertain or go out regularly.  He is NEVER underdressed.  I would be shocked if he EVER sat around in sweats and a t-shirt.  Carol is not so stringent on her apparel though she knows how to present herself and be the perfect executive spouse.

And she seems just happy and content to be that way!

So back to the gist of my post.  My boss reveres his wife.  He NEVER downplays her nor expresses, even in a joking manner, anything but RESPECT for her.  Yes, yes, that MUST be it!  It's not just LOVE but RESPECT.

The concept is so foreign to me.

Where did they get it?  From what I can tell my boss was brought up in a household not unlike himself - tightly wound.  He has even said his mom was a worrier.  A colleague of ours, who was at a social engagement with Bob & Carol, said that Carol laughingly remarked that everyone in Bob's family drank.  And that his sister is an alcoholic.  I have seen his sister several times and she looks as though she is battling something.

But Carol?  From what I can gather, she had just the most even, loving upbringing.  Very middle class.  Parents who married young and raised a large, loud, loving family.  Carol is the oldest.  Never missed A DAY of school (another tidbit my boss proudly relayed to me).  From what my boss says, she's the one who calls the shots with the other siblings, etc.

So she is 'perfect' but she would certainly be the first person to tell you she is not.  But she has cracked the code with my boss and being married for so long and putting up with all his idiosyncrasies.  Maybe it is that she is SO secure in herself that she overlooks his perfectionism.  Maybe she cheerfully ignores when he comments that she has never learned to load the dishwasher correctly (which he revealed in a toast he gave for a couple coworker's wedding shower).  She delights in his peculiarities.  She obviously respects him.  She - and he - take NOTHING for granted.  They are obviously very cognizant of their many, many blessings that they have worked together and built together and shared together.

They are really a beautiful couple to behold.  And those types really don't come around too much in life.  I sure wish you could bottle it but you can't.

Tonight, he and their two grown children are throwing her a surprise birthday party.  The three dozen people they invited ALL rsvp'd that they are coming.  Amazing.

I am definitely in awe...and at times, disbelief.  I genuinely like Carol but I have tried to dislike her...in my mind, snark about her energizer bunny type exuberance.  But you can't NOT like her.  She is an amazing human being.  Discredit her?  Find SOMETHING fake or untrue?  Ain't gonna find it.  Truly, truly a wonderful person.

I am jealous...which is the problem.  I bet Carol doesn't have a jealous bone in her body.  And I bet that if my boss was not a high level exec, Carol would STILL be exactly the same.  It's just the fabric she's cut from...good, strong, sensible stock.

I guess what I'm saying...feeling...seeing in their relationship, is two people who 1) are happy with themselves and 2) committed and selfless in regards to their relationship.  Both are strong and EQUAL and SUPPORTIVE.  Though my boss does stuff for her that may lead one to think she is subservient (like he pays ALL the bills and even does her online airline check in when she's traveling - which she does ALOT.  One time when he was out of town on business and she was also traveling alone, I had to reroute her flight because she had no idea how to.  Weird but she wasn't embarrassed or anything, just appreciative.)  He also does stuff for Carol that AMAZES me...like the time he cut out shapes for a project she was making for a celebration of some sort.  He did this at work...arts and crafts at work.  And he's a VP!  I was, again, amazed.

Quite a study these two.  And I think it boils down to personal contentment, commitment, love, and respect.

Pretty rare and pretty cool.