A Swing...And a Miss

Well, LB's month long romance is kaput.  She and J had 'the talk' last evening.  Someone who started out with potential of perhaps being 'the one' is, alas, now one of the numerous.

He's not ready for a relationship.

She and I 'talked' by text this morning.  She isn't devastated, thank God.  Just a bit flummoxed.  A little  bit WTF?  'What's a girl gotta do?' was her exact question to me.

She met J at a party of a mutual friend.  At ten years her senior he was a distinct departure from the guys she usually is interested in...he was a man.  No metro-sexual like the one before him, but a good, old-fashioned manly man.  A southern boy with a sheepish grin and wonderful manners.  Six foot five, a former Marine.  And a fellow actor.  LB usually does not fellow date actors.

She found talking with him easy and he, her.  And other things came easily too, apparently (there's that nosey mom asking pointed questions).  They were still in the getting to know you stage I guess when he pulled back.

Weeks prior the friend at whose party they met, talked with LB about J.  She had nothing but good things to say about him, stuff that LB had already learned:  he was genuine, he had a good heart, he was very down to earth.

But he had a sadness about him...

The friend went on to say, and made it clear that the info she was about to share was not being done so in a gossipy manner but rather just to give LB a little insight as to J, that J had had some tragedy in his life three or four years prior.  His father had taken his own life.  And his grandfather years before that had also been a suicide.  Of course, J never knew that LB knew but it did give LB a point of reference.

I don't know...I'm certainly NOT the one to give romantic advice, least of all to my daughter.  But my heart goes out to her.  And to him.  Been there...many times.  It sure ain't like it is in movies or Broadway musicals.  No 'You lika me and I lika you and we lika both the same"  Not quite.  It's a wonder anyone gets together!

Still and all, it just seems like for so many people falling in love - and falling in love and committing - just happens so effortlessly.  I think those people must come from stable families.  Seriously.  Mom and Dad have a long marriage - have provided a good role model - and the kids follow suit.  I know...too simplistic.

I guess it's truly just a crap shoot.

Speaking from my own experience of having a dysfunctional childhood, I told LB that J may not feel 'whole', may not feel like he can put himself out there.  He may not even know what he wants but may feel that he can't 'offer' anything.  I had been told that...a long time ago by someone I absolutely adored...that he didn't 'have anything to offer' me.  In our case, he was much older than me and did not make much money, which to a guy flies in the face of the whole 'protector/provider' thing.  To this way of thinking I say "Shouldn't I be the judge of that?  Shouldn't I have a say in if I think you have anything to offer?"  Ugh.

Well like I said, it's a wonder any of us get together.  Most of the time we blame it on chemistry.  Oh I remember casting off many a good prospect because I felt we didn't have chemistry.  I pissed off a couple of pretty good guys.  And broke some hearts too, I'm sad to say.  One particularly sweet guy told me "You broke my balls _____"  Yikes, sorry.  Yeah he may have been my one to get away.  I saw him several years ago at a reunion and he still was just as sweet and genuine.  And he was very interested to talking to me and finding out about my life.  He married the girl he dated right after me and they have a very nice life in Philadelphia.

I had to remind LB too that she has been the dumper on more than one occasion.  I remember more than one sad eyed boy standing on our front step getting shot down.  Oh and her first boyfriend that cried when they broke up.  So please LB, don't tell me no one is ever interested in you, never interested in being committed.

Yeah too many times I think we all jump ship before the relationship has had a chance to show it's true potential.  Too many I'm afraids or I'm not good enough or I've been there and done.  Whatever.  

So after all was said and done, I told LB just to chalk it up to experience, basically a good experience and maybe he'll be back.  Maybe he'll think of her sometime and they both can gently nudge each other toward a better understanding of one another.  If it's meant to be...