Ladies,Lock Up Your Daughters

So had the grief counseling group tonight.  Loving it and the wonderful little kids that I get to play with on Monday nights.  At the end of group, when the families have gone home, the facilitators sit and debrief, talk about the kids' group, the teen group and the adult group.  Apparently, tonight's topic in the adult group was sexuality.  One of the moms shared that her nine year old (one of our little ones) pointedly told her she needed a man in her life.  Shockwaves!  According to their facilitator, the conversation then went to the fear among the moms that their daughters would be seeking father figures in their lives, that these girls would grow up to seek love in the arms of men old enough to be their fathers.

Oh the disdain from the facilitators - why that could never happen!!

Being that I am new to the group and new to this group of people, I had to tie my tongue in a knot and sit on it.

Yeah, mothers, you may want to lock up your daughters.

Yes, we're doing a wonderful service to these families and yes we are giving these families a place to heal and work through their grief.  But the fact remains that there is loss and when you lose something the natural inclination is to replace it.  As I have posted previously, I learned decades later that my little six year old self, when told of my father's death, immediately asked my mother if we could get another one.  I could tell them now that the natural desire is to return to some semblance of normalcy and that means fill the empty spot at the table.  And that there's always going to be that possibility that when the girl grows up she will yearn for that father figure whether in a man's age or demeanor.

Me?  My first three relationships were all men at least 21 years my senior.  Those guys had a hell of a midlife crisis! And these were not flashes in the proverbial pan.  The first relationship lasted over a year, the second lasted two years.  The third was a big misstep and was short.

And still after all these years I love a manly type man; I gravitate to the big, tall man who, I guess, represents to me that authoritative figure that has always been lacking in my life; the whole strength and protector thing. Men were at a premium in my immediate family.  I had no uncles, no grandfathers, no brothers - no men close to me except for my one cousin on my mother's side, my cousin Nelson who is 18 years my senior.  But he had a family - and issues - of his own.  And funny thing is the whole big, strong daddy type is not even representative of my own father.  My father was a little slip of a guy, only 5'8" and very slight.  Weird.

So yeah ladies there may be some daddy issues for your girls.  But hey, there are worse things in life.  And they may even find one to love them.