Pause and Reflect

"Pause and Reflect."  That's what the billboard on the highway said today.  With those words, the date 9-11-2001 and two columns representing the towers.

Thirteen years ago.  Amazing that that much time has passed.  Though time does not dull the intense emotion this day elicits.  How can one not be moved by the significance of this day?

Loss of innocence.  Loss of feeling secure.  The date September 11, 2001 joined the ranks of December 7, 1941 and November 22, 1963.  Forever burned in our collective memories.

I was still a stay at home mom back then.  LB was in middle school and LP was a first grader.  On that morning, I was walking into to LP's school to work on launching the annual gift wrap fundraiser.  A friend of mine passed me as I was coming through the front doors.

"I'm going home," she said.  "We're under attack!"

My face obviously registered 'huh?" because she stopped and said "We're under attack.  A plane just hit the World Trade Center!"

My first thought was "oh this has got to be a horrible accident."

Hardly.  I was coming into the school office when the second plane hit.  Many people were crowded around the TV in the principal's office.  Disbelief.  Not a whole lot of words.  Just disbelief.  Eyes riveted on the TV.

Numbly I proceeded down the hall to the teachers' workroom.  The juxtaposition of the happy buzzing of children walking through the hallway and the images I had just seen on the TV made my heart sink.

Their world was never going to be the same again.  What kind of world were they going to inherit where something like this could happen?

More of the same in the teachers' workroom.  Eyes riveted to the TV.

Then the towers came down.  One.  Then the other.  Unspeakable devastation.  It was nearly unbearable to realize the huge, immediate loss of life.  I remember feeling a deep, profound sadness.

Parents were starting to show up at the school to take their children home.  The decision had been made, at least at the elementary school level, NOT to tell the children.  Amazingly, school stayed in session.  This was an unprecedented event.  The best decision, it was agreed, was for the children to stay put.

The rest of the day there at the elementary school was a blur.  I do remember gathering LP at the end of the day.  Him bouncing along full of six year old exuberance, oblivious of the crumbling of the world outside.  We drove to the middle school to pick up LB, LP chattering all the way about this or that.  It was so difficult for me to try and act 'normal'.  Of course, I didn't have to pretend for long. Middle schoolers came pouring out of the building with more speed and deliberation than usual.  I could see LB walking quickly with purpose up to our car.

She flung open the door.

"Mom!  Did you hear what happened?!"  And then just a torrent of questions and observations and collectively trying to make sense of everything.

Turning on TV was the first thing we did and were just glued to it.  Many questions from LP and LB.

Watching the coverage about the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and the plane down in Pennsylvania just made me have an overwhelming desire to be home.  Back in DC.  I could just imagine the worry and confusion there.

I called two friends I hadn't seen in years.  I just had to talk to them.  One was an actress in New York and one a former coworker who I knew had a brother who worked in the WTC.   Both were fine (even the brother who worked at the WTC) and both seemed so comforted and touched that I had called and  I was so glad I did.  The years - they melted away when we heard each others' voices.

FS then came home.

"Makes you wonder if there really is a God." were his first words to his family.

At that moment, I had a 'who is this person?' realization.

To me, that day God was EVERYWHERE.  The humanity; the self sacrifice; the compassion, kindnesses and the pulling together; the reverence - that was God at work.

If there was any 'good' to come out of this horrible event, it was the resolve, the resilience of the American people as they rose to the occasion.  And patriotism, if you will, was demonstrated even among those not usually predisposed to showing any outward allegiance.  This tragedy brought out the very best in mankind.

True, we are no longer the same country.  Tested.  Violated.  Shaken to our core.  Hopeful?  Always.  Forgetting?

Never.