Sometimes the comfort of God blows over me like a calm, warm breeze. Unexpectedly. Often unsolicited. Never immediate in a time of crisis but rather when I've had a period of adjustment to whatever situation presented itself to cause me to go into despondency...then I am ultimately - thankfully - quieted.
And I am OK.
The past several months have been rough. I have really looked inward to try and determine if I was self generating stress. Actually, I found that it ran about 50/50.
Work, where I spend most of my waking hours, is a beating at the moment. I am employed at an institution of higher learning. Our school's Board of Trustees voted to engage an outside consulting firm to identify areas where the University could cut costs. Uh oh...you know what that means.
This process is taking place over a period of one year; we're about one third in. Supposedly, campus-wide there will be about 15 initiatives, overhauls, if you will.
The department in which I work has been identified as Initiative No. 2. Apparently, we're popular.
Two-thirds of the campus personnel interviewed crucified our office.
Wow.
We are a small administrative department on campus. Not to divulge too much but let's just say Shakespeare's 'First let's kill all the lawyers' will give you a clue.
yeah.
So, like I said, we're small and overtaxed already. We have four professionals on staff along with four admin staff. Things are tense to say the least.
Strange, but the outside entity that has come in for the year is enlisting University employees as facilitators. Teams have been formed for each initiative. And one of our administrative staff has been asked to be on the team for our office's initiative. And our executive did not even know until it was announced campus wide.
So we have an insider working with the team and basically reviewing info, interviewing personnel campus-wide about our office. Totally weird and awkward (for this person because the meetings where folks across campus are sharing their experiences and expectations of our office are NOT pretty). And the job is proving to be all consuming for this individual. This person doesn't even get to do the job they're paid to do.
Along with the staff member who is now a team member of the consultants, the rest of us have also had added to our responsibilities all the reports and data requested by the consultants. So we're all striving to present that material in the most comprehensive and concise way possible AND to keep up with our normal office matters, the same matters and responsibilities that other University staff are lambasting us over.
So we're all a little on edge. Of the three admin staff, all fear for their longevity at the University. I am one of them. Each of us has expressed to the other our fears and thoughts that 'it's gonna be me that gets canned.' Each of us works very diligently in the eight hours a day/five days a week we are on campus.
But the overall feeling is 'They already know what they're going to do'; that all the interviewing, etc. is just a tool of the transparency the consultants have been touting. If I attend another rah-rah 'Look how great for the University this is going to be in the long run' I think I will just puke.
The way I see it all info is gathered and disseminated and in the end the consultants will apply their rubric to the data/info and recommend what needs to be done. Right now, it seems as if the 'solutions' are automating everything, which is really going to be interesting.
Friend/co-worker that is on the team graces my doorway quite frequently alternatively freaking out that it will be her that gets laid off or defiantly proclaiming that after all the work she's done on the team she 'better not be the one' getting pink slipped. One day, a week or so ago, upon hearing her latter stance for the umpteenth time, it just struck a cord with me and I reacted and committed the cardinal sin of the workplace.
I burst into tears.
My reaction, I explained to my friend, was one of being overwrought; tired of all the speculation and the utter discord and tenseness the whole initiative was bringing to our workplace. How the University - once a place we all appreciated, valued and acknowledged as an environment that afforded a balanced quality of life place of employ - was now a place where no one felt secure, no one felt valued because ultimately we are all just going to be a number on a balance sheet. I also went on to tell her that by her coming into my office and proclaiming that it better not be her that is outplaced, she was pretty much insinuating that me or our other admin office mate would be the preferred choice for the sacrifice. Really? I mean, how insensitive?!
Strange - not that I expected her to - but she didn't back pedal her stance in the least. Didn't even really have ANYTHING comforting to say, as you would think a friend would. Makes you wonder...
So now, I have taken a deep breath and just given up my worry to the Almighty. I mean, what's gonna happen is gonna happen. I cannot worry about something none of us can change or influence. I have spent eight years at the University. It was my return to the workplace job after being home raising my kids for thirteen years. It has been wonderful place to work with great benefits. The greatest benefit is my kids have attended tuition free. LB graduated in 2012 and LP is currently a sophomore. In this day and age, for them to graduate debt free is a real gift. So the University has been good to me and I will always be very grateful. But I am far from wanting my employment to end. I am single and have to think about my security. The fact that I am within two years of being vested in my retirement is very concerning to me. It would be really shitty for them to cut me loose before I can vest. But it is a distinct possibility.
And I cannot drive myself insane with stress and worry over it.
So I will just take a deep breath and hope and pray for an outcome that is beneficial to all...
Good Lord willing...
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