Well???? What's Your Answer??

I'm feeling a growth spurt emotionally coming on - watch out!  HaHa!

Ohhh....I know I've been a bit philosophical lately...manic, maybe?  A little lonely and down perhaps? Well, back to business, DAMMIT!  HaHa!

You know I was reading that for every year you're married, it takes a month to 'get over' it. Well if that's the case, I'm about half done.  Not that I wasn't 'over it' when I filed.  What I'm getting used to now is my 'purpose'.  The kids are pretty much out.  And though I LOVE my own space, I have been in a relationship for 28 years (30 if you count the two years we courted - or he courted me (another really good post sometime)).  So even if the last ten years or so were spent with a 300 lb. lump next to me on the couch...at least I had someone living and breathing there.  Good thing I'm used to living single.  Did it fairly well til I was 28 years old.  Being an only child helps.  But some things are just better with another human being.  Like travel...and meals...and theater...and watching TV...and hugging.  Ugh...I digress.

Anyway, for me the way around the fact that I'm single and flying solo mostly, is to GET OUT THERE and show up. Pitch in.  The very best way to beat the doldrums, for me, is to be apart of a group.  Volunteering...working part-time...social groups.  That last one is sometimes difficult for me because I tend to 'hide' when I think everything in my life is not what it should be.  I think that I'm my worst critic.  Seriously, my friends could probably care less about where I am in my life.  Oh not to say they don't care but they don't measure my success like I'm thinking they do. Hell, they're probably too busy with their own lives to notice.

So anyway, I'm saying all this because I'm chomping at the bit for what's next. What's next for me?  I  know I don't want to live out my years in my current state.  I have written before that I want to live at the beach.  Fine.  But what the hell am I going to do at the beach?  I'm not one to sit around all day.  I guess I'm kind of hyperactive in that regard (goes with my BIG vice of IMPATIENCE)  Ugh...

So I'm putting it out there for you...all 330 of you who grace my page...here are the things that I think could give me life:

• I would like to redo an old house.  Got my eye on one near the beach on the coast (you'll have to guess which coast)
• I love my work with the grief counseling.  It continues to be my current life force and fulfillment.  However, if I am to truly pursue this on a bigger level once my current job ends, either by my choice (hopefully) or by attrition on the part of my employer, I need to further my education.  I do not have a four year degree but am hopefully half way there.  I need to set a goal for myself to find out what exactly I need to do to make this my act two employment/devotion.

That brings me to another factoid about me...I'm not much of a planner.  Oh, I definitely have accomplished what I set out to do with my life...I always wanted a family.  Now that may not seem like a huge goal in our society...it may even prove cringe worthy to some feminists but I wholeheartedly believe it is a lofty calling and I wholeheartedly believe that I have provided the world with two incredibly gifted and caring individuals and am very proud of it!  I and former spouse did provide a stable (whatever that really means) growing up environment for our two and hopefully we haven't screwed them up too badly.  I devoted my being to those two little munchkins and loved EVERY moment of it.  But know what?...they grow up...and leave.  And I'm a little surprised that I'm really kind of feeling...'now what?'.  Wow...empty nest syndrome really EXISTS.

So because I stayed at home...and dumped my hubby...I am kind of behind the eight ball financially.  So I am kind of dependent on the survival job-not really a career calling-employment I now have.  Hopefully will continue to have until I no longer want to have it.

But know what?  If that goes away...maybe that will punt kick me into the next phase of my life?

So back to the list... 

• I REALLY enjoy travel.
• I truly enjoy writing;
• I love being creative
• I love entertaining so much so that running a small B&B/inn is not out of the question.

Gee, this feel good, telling my feelings thing is EASY!  And it feels GREAT.

So now to lay down a plan...some kind of plan...Hmmmm....there's that 'planning' again - YIKES!

So enough about me...