So There

Time to put on the big girl panties and get a life, a real life.  With real people who want to see me.  Who aren't afraid of failure.  Who aren't afraid of emotions.  Time to get the big love on with someone.  What the hell am I waiting for????  I'm gonna buy a big ol' box of condoms and go to town.

I am tired and cranky tonight and freakin' sick of coming home to NOTHING.

And I am me.  Middle aged, damn good looking and bright so I need to STOP acting like a DAMN fool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah so I may not be gaggy sweet or blowing bubbles out my butt because I'm so positive and upbeat!  Wheeeee!!!!!  That just ain't normal.  Sorry but I don't do perky.  So I'm not brilliant or super educated or - UGH - all those other superlatives but ya know what???  I am the REAL DEAL.  I FEEL and I live an authentic life.  Everyone has stresses and problems and fears.  But if we reach out we can sort shit out together.  Isn't that what the human race is for????  Living together, loving together and learning together???

And I am brave...and strong.  BRAVE, BRAVE, BRAVE and STRONG, STRONG, STRONG.

And I'll tell you what else I am -- REALLY IMPATIENT.  So OK, I concede this is a BIG flaw of mine.  But it gets the job(s) done.

I put myself out there and wanted NOTHING in return except a little consideration on a BIG hunch I have - HAD - on something I just KNEW would be GREAT.  No pie in the sky; no dewy looks - real. It does happen.  But, well, I guess we'll never know now, will we??

I did not care if you were up to your eyeballs in debt, had a cute spare tire, or if your equipment didn't work anymore or you hadn't gotten cast in two years (though I did care for your feelings and morale in that regard - NO, NO, NO - NO sweetness - stick to the script woman!)  SILLY ME!  I was about to make a REAL ASS of myself and try to talk you into coming to my city, live with me, anyway you wanted it - plenty of room.  I figured you could recalibrate, do some work locally (I even talked with an acquaintence of mine who is well established in the local market.  He said it's better and more open than it's been in 20 years.  He's about 70 and also does a lot of VO work. He gave me the names of the 3 best agents in town).  And then if we found we grooved together we would move to the beach.  I wouldn't have asked for dime...whatever...

So if you are reading this you're probably all like 'Ugh see, this is my I steer clear of entanglements' Well buddy boy if you were with me, it would be a whole different ballgame than what you've been used to...I have staying power and I am freaking AMAZING!  And a lot of fun and very, very loving.

So there...

You probably never even read this fucking blog.  Don't think I don't know that you sometimes massage the truth.  No worries.  I know you just don't want to disappoint or whatever.  It doesn't matter anymore.

I'm guessing about now the readership I have in Europe is saying 'I knew those American bitches are crazy'.

Yeah and I even liked chicken livers and yellow cake with milk chocolate icing and (Diet) Pepsi.  How perfect is that?